Dear Coalition Community,
Although I am an introvert and have been all my life, Jen and I treasure the ability to welcome people to
our home. Hosting people for Shabbat dinner, a weekend BBQ, or a holiday party is a special privilege. It
is not just a treat for us, it is baked into our identities and built out of our Jewish values that call us to
welcome people. And, the summer is prime time for hosting in our home!
The Jewish value of hachnasat orchim – welcoming guests – comes from the early stories of Abraham and
Sarah. In Genesis, there is a story of these early ancestors keeping the four walls of their tent open and,
in the heat of the day and after a recent circumcision for Abraham, leaving the relative safety of their
space to “go out to welcome” three individuals who are passing by in the wilderness. This idea of leaving
the place of comfort and going to them instead of waiting for them to come to us is the central idea of
what it means to welcome someone Jewishly. But it is more than just that. They go out to meet them,
bring them back to their tent to feed them, and offer them a respite from their travels. Abraham and Sara
are genuinely concerned about their well-being and happiness.
In the Talmud, we learn that “welcoming guests takes precedence even over welcoming the Shechina
(God’s presence)!” Clearly, the rabbis wanted us to understand that there is something more than just a
meal being served when we are welcoming people to our home. The summer is a social time. We get
together for parties. We celebrate. We spend time with the people we care about. That relationship
building work is central to what it means to live a Jewish life.
To that end, I want to share some tips that come from Jewish tradition about how to appropriately
welcome people and how to be a pleasant guest:
– The Talmud, in tractate Kiddushin, says that it is the obligation of the host to serve guests at their
table.
– Guests, according to the Talmud in Pesachim, should not overstay their welcome and should take
cues from the host as to when it is time to leave.
– The Mishnah Torah, a medieval book of Jewish law, forbids staring too much at your guests for fear
of embarrassing them.
– Talmud Eruvin says that the sign of a good meal is when there is a little bit of food left on the plate
because it indicates that more than enough food has been served.
– A good host, according to Derech Eretz Zuta, should always have a smile on their face.
– It is considered a mitzvah (a good deed) to actually escort someone out of your home and not just
to the door. The rabbis teach that you should escort someone at least four cubits (approximately
seven feet) out of the front door when you say goodbye.
– It is a mitzvah to host, but also a mitzvah to give someone the opportunity to host. Accepting an
invitation is equally good to hosting yourself.
With these tips and tricks in hand, I hope that you can have a good summer of hosting, being welcomed,
and joyful relationship building with wonderful friends!
Kol Tuv (Be Well),
Rabbi James